Why Women Are Attracted To Bad Boys, Thugs, And Players

September 19, 2:51 PMSF Dating Advice ExaminerDeborrah Cooper

Handsome, smart, sexy with an edge.

Men are confused about what women want in a dating relationship – no surprise there. However one of the chief things single men are confused about is the conflict between what single women say they want in a man vs. what they are attracted to. Like a moth to a flame, women are drawn to thugs, bad boys and players. Here's why.
With a Choice between Erkel and a Thug, Erkel Would Lose
Next to the subject of Global Warming, this has been one of the most debated topics in recent memory. The definition of "nice guy" is very subjective, and has an association related to personal perception, regardless of gender.
If you look at the movies, television sitcoms, novels, and society overall, you can see that the men that excite women all have the same common denominator: the guys that go against the grain.
Regardless of race, genre, or era, this is the type of guy that women attach a high romantic value to. Clyde in "Bonnie and Clyde", Rambo, even Bluto. Men such as these take chances (some wise, some not so smart), and live on the edge. They take pleasure in pushing the envelope and deviating from conventional behaviors. They go after what they want with a focus and determination that women find extremely exciting.
These men are not afraid to shock the sensibilities of others, make mistakes, nor to generate social or personal disdain. So when a woman says that a man is "too nice," what she really means is that this particular guy lacks the sexual charisma, charm, or whatever it is that makes that particular woman feel hot and horny and interested.
Whenever someone refers to a man as "too nice," it translates in women's minds to "doormat!" which will sap the sexual tension right out of any woman. Most women love to see a man who has a backbone, beliefs that he stands by, who won't put up with any of her nonsense, and that will call her out on her stuff when he feels she's out of line. He has to turn her on visually as well.

Ronald, a bad boy with a Masters Degree

Pimp Pimp Hooray!
A lot of what women like about thugs and players is the energy they exude as men. Let's say we have a geeky but attractive young professional male that wears Hugo Boss suits and ties to work. Women in his office building say he is handsome, funny and interesting.  Let's say we add an earring and put him in the latest hip hop gear (you know, the baggy stuff that the nice guys hate). Chances are great that  the same professional women who found him attractive as a suited businessman would also find him irresistible as a thug, because they are attracted to his male energy.  He would also draw the attention of younger women that are attracted to his energy and his youthful "gear."
Ronald is a 28 year old IT professional with a Masters degree in Computer Science. He agrees with the assessment above: "I've experimented with this issue before. I'm able to pull more women in Sean Jean or Coogi than when I'm in my shirt and tie."
Men, genetically hardwired to place a very high value on sexual enjoyment, should be able to understand that women feel sexual desire and want to be able to enjoy sex. It's impossible to choose a man who leaves a woman feeling sexually cold and dissatisfied over a thug who makes her heart race and her imagination come alive with erotic possibilities. It's the equivalent of a man preferring to be with a cheating gold digger that rocks his world in bed, vs. a really nice 300 lb women with a good heart.

Women love cool, confident men.

Release the Freak
All women have a little bad girl inside that would, with the right motivation and encouragement, love to break free. A woman needs a man who can complement that side of her.
And no, the opposite of a "too nice" guy does not have to be a straight thug. It's frustrating that nice guys tend to see the world in such black and white, polar opposite ways. In reality, there is a whole range of men in between the two extremes… in the gray area.
However, a man allows himself to be taken advantage of by women from his past, family members, or coworkers and fails to stand up for himself would lose respect in most women's eyes. If he failed to stand up for himself and didn't put folks in check that crossed boundaries (without being rude or threatening violence of course) he would be dismissed as "too nice." If he were ineffectual with his ex-wife and allowed her to run over him and interfere with the discipline and rules of the household he established to raise their children, or if he failed to establish himself as a force to be respected and reckoned with as a man period, most women would say he was "too nice."
The man that a woman deems to be "too nice" does not, by her individual standards, present himself as the image of masculine power, strength, confidence, charisma, energy, sexuality, decisiveness, or character.
Too nice also means:

• You are a wimp in that woman's eyes… milquetoast, sensitive and soft like a woman.
• you are confused about what to do and how to do it to protect yourself when you see a game being run.
• you have low self esteem and don't demand respect from the women you date in an effort to please, which comes across as groveling.
• you are always there for people that are never there for you. Too nice means your family knows you are an easy tap for rent money after they spent theirs gambling in Reno.
• your boss has no problem calling you in do work and assignments on the weekend, even though s/he knows you have plans with your family.

Is There Really Such a Thing as The Man You Love Being "Too Nice?"
It is true that some women will confuse the caring guy that loves her (such as the one I described above who doesn't let anyone take advantage of him) with the guy that is "too nice," but that's generally due to low self esteem and a belief that she doesn't deserve better. Ultimately, something is intrinsically wrong a woman who thinks of herself in this manner.
Smart women don't care for the hot headed, dictatorial, insecure about his manhood, always feeling like he has to prove that he's "da man," type of guy generally associated with the word "thug." You don't have to be a smart-mouthed, violent knucklehead to avoid being labeled "too nice," but you definitely have to be a man about yours.
Women want a versatile, confident and secure man that can handle himself on the basketball court, in the boardroom and in the bedroom. Women love a responsible, mature man who is appreciative of family, and respectful of women, children, people and life. Women want a guy with intelligence and education, balanced with common sense and street smarts.
Women love a nice guy with a little thug in him.